briar rose

list for Saturday City Shopping.

• new ‘om noms’ for Nicole
• 2 new wind up rabbits- white & brown
• furry boots from Kmart
• tailored waistcost from Ally
• ripped & faded skinny jeans from the cute little asian shop i love, next to Imagination
• black or dark blue suuuper skinny jeans
• fluffy earmuffs from Dangerfield
• the cupcake beanie for Nicole
• beautiful necklace for Nicole’s birthday from the little marketplace under the bridge.
• Lace up oxford heels
• yellow fly purse from Dangerfield
• cute t-shirts
• nice white blouse
• nail polish remover
• fake nail tips
• blue ribbon

and i think that’s all :)

went shopping today. am a size 8. spent well over $300 with mom. bought boots, flats, leggings, 3 dresses, 2 berets, leather jacket, a cute t-shirt & a new skirt. excellent day :)

1. new skinny jeans, possibly 2 pairs.
2. tight t-shirts & cute shirts
3. new high-waisted skirt
4. a new dress
5. maybe a new pair of high heels

although i bought boots & flats, i still want a special pair of half-boot type heels. i’ll try & find a picture. also want a pair of long fluffy lace ups from Kmart. i saw them in Williams months ago, but i didn’t want to pay nearly $200 for them. now they’re in Kmart for $50. and they look exactly the same. Brand Name? no thanks. :)

my fears:

• acerophobia- fear of sourness
• anuptaphobia- fear of being single forever
• autophobia- fear of being normal (also used to describe severe hate for one’s self. hmm)
• catagelophobia- fear of being ridiculed
• claustrophobia- fear of confined spaces
• pocrescophobia- fear of weight gain (see also obesophobia. but pocrescophobia sounds cooler)
• xerophobia- fear of dryness

& Bolshephobia- fear of Bolsheviks. ha ha ha! Russian history with Mr Silva ftw. :)

(i’m not really scared of Bolsheviks)

73. 72. 71. 70. 69. 68. 67. 66. 65. 64. 63. 62. 61. 60. 59. 58. 57. 56. 55. 54. 53. 52.

51.2

fuck. yes.

Bossy. Critical. Condescending. Patronising. Selfish. Naive. Superficial. Fake. Sycophantic. Hypocritical.

and i’m sick of pushing everyone i love away.

so i managed to get $350 for a shopping spree with Nicole in the city today. here is my list of things to buy:

1. new skinny jeans, possibly 2 pairs.
2. tight t-shirts & cute shirts
3. new high-waisted skirt
4. a new dress
5. maybe a new pair of high heels ^.^

of course this isnt all with my $350. i shall buy about half of this when i go shopping with mom soon, too :)

just lettin’ yall know.

so i was in a shit mood last night. and now i’m in a hell of a lot of pain. the pain in my diaphragm is unbelievable. i can’t breathe when i walk, because it hurts. i’m tired of people asking “how are you?” IM SORE AND TIRED. LEAVE ME ALONE!

but i’m feeling pretty thin. my track pants slip off my hip bones. i’m wearing my tight grey shirt that i haven’t worn in 2 years, and it’s actually almost baggy.

but the REALLY annoying thing? the camera really does add 10pounds. i feel thin when i look at my stomach in the mirror. but i pull out a camera, and BAM. she’s fat again. it doesn’t even look slightly thin. bah.

but i’ll get there. i’ve been bad the last week. but today is a new day. new leaf :) no pigging out on chocolate like the last 3 days. no eating until i’m full.

no food.

off i go. wish me luck :D

okay, so today was probably one of the greatest days i’ve had. ever. the boyf was wonderful :) the friends were amazing (: &&the fact that i was wearing a t-shirt was liberating.

my surgery got rescheduled for 7am tomorrow, instead of 11. which means i have to fast from midnight tonight *insert sarcasm* oh no! -_- like that’s a real challenge. hah. but it also means i have to wake up at about 6am, whoohooo. (again with the sarcasm, heh).

i am NOT looking forward to my “colon cleanse” tonight. i know it’s pretty much like a saltwater flush, but it still scares the bejeezus outta me :| but i’ll get over it. i’m planning on drinking the litre of shit in about an hour, so hopefully i wont be up all night shitting myself (quite literally, argh) (YN)

bah, i’m actually getting quite scared now D: but i’ll live.

ciaoooo for now, lovelies :)

today i realised how lucky i am. my best friend just told me that she is proud of me. & my strength. i told her i wasnt going to wear my jumper to school tomorrow. and she said “I think if you did, it would show how strong you are :) I’m proud to call you my bestfriend now., but if you didn’t wear your jumper saying I’m proud of you gives it a whole new meaning!” her love for me gives me hope & faith. she manages to put a smile on my face, when no-one else can.

my beautiful boyfriend also just called me perfect. “there’s nothing wrong with you baby, yourrrrr perfect”after complaining that i wasn’t sure if i actually wanted to show off my stomach like that.

for 2 years i’ve struggled with eating disorders, peer pressure, rumours, nasty people. i’ve had this THING growing inside me, and i’ve always been so ashamed. today i realised that i have NOTHING! to be ashamed of. i will march into that school tomorrow, and tell them all to suck it.

it amazes me how just 2 people can make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. but i should also give a mention to 2 other people who make my day a whole lot brighter; bestfriends Tia&Stef.