briar rose

I’m not okay. At all. I just watched something truely and utterly horrific. I don’t want to send you the video since I know you love animals. But I honestly think this has emotionally killed me.

And NOT in the “Oh wow, that’s amazing” way I usually mean. I think my heart just broke. Into one million tiny squares. I have never ever seen such a gut wrenching thing in my life. I am utterly distraught. And disgusted. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU FUCKING DO THAT YOU CRUEL AND HEARTLESS MOTHERFUCKER! I haven’t cried this much since 13th April 2009.

Ask me if you want to know.

I am grumpy. I am tired. I want to bash myself in the face with a hammer. I want to overdose on Codral & Nurofen. I want to sleep until the weekend, and maybe sleep some more. I want vodka. I am hot. I am sore.

I am sick.

Yes. Just pissed off that someone said I’m the one who isn’t ‘original’ when they aparently saw me copying someone else and fucking clearly they were the one copying me. I fucking hate people copying me.

Fuck, you piss me off.

It’s 11 minutes past 7. 7:11. 7/11 get it? hahah, -falls over laughing- I mean … >.> what?

:D

I guess I’ll just settle for Nurofen and Stargate.

In NO particular order: Ambar, Stefanie, Zoe, Tia, Nicole, Mark, Oliver, William, Sally, Leigh.

Thankyou for always being there. No matter how far away, no matter when, I know I can depend on you to be supportive of my lifestyle. You may not agree with it, but you’re one of two people I can depend on with this stuff, and I know you won’t send me to the loony bin. So for that, I owe you a great deal. I don’t speak to you anywhere near enough, and I am incredibly sorry for how I treated you. I love ya (:

I can’t make you happy right now, and that hurts me. I can see it in your eyes. I just don’t know how to fix your pain; I don’t know what I can do.  I’d send you a billion kisses if I could, and put a bandaid on it, but I don’t think that would work. I want to thank you. I want to thank you for changing me and my mindset. No one can ever, or will ever replace you. Forever in my heart.

I hate you but I love you. I always will & that’s the problem. If I could go back, I would. I can’t remember your voice. I can’t remember your smile. I can’t remember your laugh, your kiss, your embrace. But that smell still haunts me. I hope you realise you took a piece of me when you left. And I guess I’ll never get it back, no matter what. I hate you, because I love you.

You’re so cynical. Please be a little more positive. Please?

You make fun of me. You tease me. You taunt me. You drive me crazy. But you make me laugh a lot. And I’m super grateful for that :) I guess it’s because we’re not actually friends, so there’s nothing serious discussed, no negatives, no grievances. So thank you for bringing a smile to my face no matter what.

I must say, you are unbelievably supportive. I wish I knew you better, you so cool. :) You like to think you know me, but you don’t know a thing. Sometimes I think you’re insulting me, or having a go. But I know it’s just because you care. Beats me as to why, but it seems you do. So, spanks ;D

You are my rock. You are my world. The end.

I owe you the world. I wish I could give you everything you’ve always wanted, because you deserve it. I know it’s hard right now, but darling, pull through it. Put it all behind you and move on. I hate this all, but I love you too much to see you get hurt. You know I’ll always be here for you. Even if you do feel like I don’t want to hear your problems, I do and I’ll always listen. No matter what :) Big loves.

I don’t spend enough time with you. You make my problems go away, even just for an hour. Some people might say you’re a bad influence, but I believe otherwise. Never have I met a thicker-skinned person than you. You’re so strong & I seriously admire your courage to face the world every day, head on. So thanks lovely, just for being alive.

Get over yourself. No one wants to hear your tiny problems. There are bigger things to worry about. And please, please, please be grateful for what you have. It’s more than some people could dream of. Oh and by trying to make things better, you’ve just made them worse.

Shall hopefully soon be a make-up & nail artist in training. TAFE FTW! n_n I’m excited.

I am obsessed with how I look, every second of the day.

I freak out about what I’ve said & done during the day, and if people thought it was funny or weird or stupid.

I lovelovelovelovelove Science Fiction, more than life

and I’m incredibly selfish.

It’s hard for me to talk about my feelings with people older than me, or people close to me. Strangers however, thats a different story.

I like to think I don’t fit a stereotype, and to avoid this sterotyping, I ‘channel’ different celebrities looks each day. For example, yesterday was Ke$ha. Tuesday was Emma Watson. Thursday was Supernatural’s Ruby.

I quote movies and television shows, a lot.

I am never happy with what I have.

I’m a terrible liar. I mean that in the “I lie so much, it’s terrible” kind of way.

1. First & foremost, talk to me. Deeply and profoundly :)
2. Understand where I’m coming from. Don’t lecture me, or try to change me. Just accept & listen to what I say.
3. Play with my hair. Gently & softly. like, when we’re in bed or something.
4. Teach me something. Whether it’s how to play COD, a new song on guitar, or how to draw something cute.
5. Make me giggle & laugh ‘til it hurts
6. Quote my favourite movies & television shows
7. Kiss my cheek. Not my lips, my cheek. Or nose.
8. Remember the little details I tell you, like a story from when I was little.

In order of how often they cross my mind.

1. Calories (intake & burned)
2. William Fiske
3. My appearance
4. Memories
5. Friends (Tia, Man, Stef)
6. Bitching :I
7. How I’m going to fit my homework into my weekend.

I hate you. I fucking hate you. I hate you more than I’ve ever hated anyone. And I’ve hated you my whole life. You are a fucking disgusting whorebag. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t worry about being yelled at, and sworn at, and insulted by you. You ruin my day after school, you ruin my weekends, and you destroy my happiness. I had a lovely time tonight at Ebony’s, but all I could think was your comment tonight “You’re putting on weight…..But you’ve put on about 15kilos, not 5” which lead me to believe that someone smacking my arse was an insult, because they thought my arse was fat. I get home, and what have you done? Destroyed my bedroom, again. Pulled out everything to do with food; plates, cups, bowls, wrappers, boxes. And tipped food all over my bed. I FUCKING HATE YOU. You know what? Just because you think I’m fat, I’m never going to eat again. I’m going to make you wish you never did this; you never said anything. You’re going to regret any comments you’ve ever made about my weight. Because by the sounds of it, this is what you want. You want that sickly little anorexic daughter you once had back.

WELL FUCK YOU, YOU FAT FUCKING BITCH! GO DIE.